I've mentioned before the inner-battle I have waged ever since Campbell arrived about co-sleeping and making her sleep in her crib. After her six month check-up I was determined I was being a bad mother letting her sleep with me despite a gut feeling that it was okay for us. So, we started putting Campbell down to bed, in her crib. We made her cry herself to sleep - the first night almost killed me though she is getting better. Last night she babbled until she fell asleep - no crying at all.
But, ever since the transition I've felt oddly empty. I admit that a great deal of that feeling comes from a selfish desire to have her close. Falling asleep watching her sleep is one of my great joys so far. That selfishness doesn't account for the whole problem though. I should be, in theory at least, sleeping better without her waking me up to nurse, etc. But I wake myself up more now than she ever did. I worry about her in that crib by herself. I don't like that she is cold every morning when I get her despite two layers of jammers and keeping the furnace turned up far higher than my husband would like. And I really don't like that she does sleep through the night and doesn't eat anymore.
All of these misgivings were confirmed today when I read a fabulous study (linked next door) about the effects of cosleeping. Western civilizations are the only ones where cosleeping or bed sharing are considered no-nos. And this is a relatively new development that came about with the pro-bottle movement of the 50s and 60s.
Today most anti-cosleeping rhetoric centers around the fear of SIDS or asphyxiation. But, at least in the case of breast feeding mothers, bed sharing and cosleeping are actually connected to dramatically lower rates of SIDS. Babies who sleep with breast feeding moms maintain healthier sleep patterns and their heart rates do not slow as much during sleep. Plus they nurse more while actually sleeping longer.
The sense that I have continually come back to during this long internal dialog and that is discussed extensively in the McKenna study is that sleeping with your baby is a natural and historical thing. Indeed, in my mind as natural and basic as breastfeeding itself.
I like that Campbell is capable of self-comforting herself. I won't stop that part of the new routine. But I may have to revisit letting her sleep with me for at least part of the night for a bit longer. The extra nursing in these last few months of her first year are so beneficial. While its so cold out the added heat and body temperature regulation is good for her. No baby's hands should be that cold, ever!
And as for her future independence? She's six months old since when should a six month old be independent? Is she supposed to start supporting herself by nine months? She's a baby. Besides, studies show that babies who sleep with a parent actually grow up to be more self-confident adults than those who don't.
I think, in the end, it is a personal decision. I'm going to trust my maternal instinct and I think every mother should be free to and encouraged to do the same. There is no universal right or wrong to this aspect of parenting - as is the case with most child rearing decisions. The acknowledgment of the gray area is what I like most about this article. McKenna doesn't push for a complete reversal of the crib only philosophy. Rather he calls for accepting that there is more than one "good" way to raise a child.
